My Hope, My Balance

In my 35 years of Marilynhood (AKA, my life), I've learned that you can guarantee there will always be peaks and valleys in life. Peaks are those moments when you are soaring in joy. Life is good. Things go your way and you feel a sense of peace every morning when you wake up. Then there are valleys. The days that seem will never end. The challenges that arise and take a toll on your esteem, your hope.

During the peaks, I try to remember to count my blessings. Stay thankful and grounded. But its during those valleys that I take a step back and ask myself, "Am I handling this right?" Then I look up and ask God, "Am I handling this right?"

Today is a valley. I'm almost ashamed to call it that. I'm healthy. My family is healthy. Our businesses are doing well. We're thankful. But something is off balance. My nerves are off balance.

I'm anxious anticipating what tomorrow will bring when we leave for our trip to visit my parents who have recently moved to Florida. At my deepest core, I am eager to see them and spend time with them. I am excited to see their faces, feel their hugs, and smell their embrace. I am filled with joy that my children will get to spend time with their 'Buelo and 'Buela. But with the excitement and joy, comes a sense of nervousness. I'm nervous that my feelings of missing them will resurface. And I'm dreading the subliminal countdown that we all do when we go away on vacation for a limited time. You selfishly enjoy the first few days, then begin the countdown, knowing your carefree goodness will end soon. And so begins the "...4 more days, 3 more days, 2 more days..." mindset.

My nerves have the best of me today and I find myself trying to cope. The bag of tortilla chips I just inhaled helped temporarily, but alas, the feelings of anxiousness are still there. So I have given myself the leeway today to not care about how healthy my food choices were. I allowed myself to revert back to the foods that once comforted me, and in abundance. Grease, fried foods, chocolate bars, and desserts. I guess you can say, I fell off the holistic wagon.

So what do I do now? Do I, A: Keep slipping down? Or do I, B: Anchor my feet in the ground and pull myself up? As a mom trying to live holistically, I've learned life is a balance. And while today my balance may have been off, I can be certain that God will tilt the lever on my behalf. So it is with this faith that I will choose B and pull myself up.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Romans 5:3-4

Here's to counting our blessings, having hope and striving for balance...

 'Buelo and 'Buela