Then we get in the car, and its peaceful. Bliss. The building up of anxiety and mayhem suddenly subside into a quiet calm that makes you forget how chaotic and painful the morning was. Kind of like childbirth. Specifically Mia's birth.
Last November my parents were transitioning into a vacation property and we were moving into their New Jersey home. During the transition, they lived with us for several months. Perfect, since I was 8 months pregnant at the time with my second child and loved their help and support. By this time, I knew that I didn't want to overly think my delivery as I had with Daniel.
With Daniel being my first pregnancy, my controlling personality kicked into high gear and I drew up a very detailed birthing plan, complete with instructions on how to go about pain medication. It included my ideal of avoiding pain medication and having the nurses hand me the baby so that I could nurse him immediately. I gave them specific instructions on how to do their job.
While I did manage to labor at home mostly, my water broke on the way to the hospital (not planned). As soon as I arrived, I was screaming (not planned). And, part of my screaming included my new, revised birthing plan (not planned):
Nurse: Ma'am, can you sign here.
Me: Nooooooooo!
Nurse: Ok, we're going to get you into your room and changed. Are you going to want an.....
Me: YESSS!! Give me an epidural NOWWW!!!!!!
And that was that. I had an epidural and baby Daniel was born three hours later. Although the doctors said it was a perfect delivery, I felt far from perfect. I felt disappointed that I didn't follow through with my plans.
Fast forward to December 2010. I promised myself I would not decide on a birthing plan, or any plan for that matter. I would just "let it be." Let God and life do its thing and I would go along for the ride.
On December 31st I did not sleep. I was restless and all I could think of was the baby being born. At 6 am, hubby sees me awake and asks me if I'm ok. I smile, say "yes" and add, "Get ready. I have a funny feeling she's coming today." Hubby tells me to call him if I start laboring and goes off to work. I get up, make my family breakfast and as I'm cooking, I feel a slight cramp. No big deal, I'm not uncomfortable and I continue to enjoy breakfast with my family, and feel another cramp, 10 minutes later. And another, 10 minutes after that.
"Yes," I concluded in my mind, "Mia is coming today". At this point I had two main goals. I didn't want mom to get anxious and I didn't want Daniel to see me in severe pain. So off I went to call David at 10 am.
Me: Babe, you should head home. My cramping is consistent. I should get to the hospital soon.
Hubby: Ok. I'm on my way.
I head into the shower to start getting ready for hubby's arrival but can't help feel the crampings are slightly stronger and closer together. Still very bearable. Now 6 minutes apart, I calmly tell my mother not to panic and explain that hubby is on his way to get me. I tell her my plans to take a hot bath and relax while waiting. Mom agrees but asks me to not close the door, "just in case."
I set the ambiance. Fill the tub with warm water and bubbles, and bring in my radio to play Maxwell. It's now 10:10. Daniel walks in and starts playing with the bubbles. My cramping is now stronger but I feel calm and relaxed. Daniel has no idea that I'm starting to get uncomfortable. I start rocking back and forth to work through the pain and suddenly mom walks in to check on me. It is now 10:15. And just like that, in one instant, my water breaks and I feel the baby's head drop. Hard. I jump out of the tub in a panic and as I'm walking, I feel her head dropping even more. I yell, "Mom! Call 9-1-1". And she replies, "But David's on his way." And I yell back, "but her head is coming NOW!"
Mom runs to grab the phone as I manage to waddle to the nearest bed. Daniel is trailing behind me with bubbles in his hands. "But mommy, your bubbles." He proceeds to rub my back and ask me if I'm ok to which I yell, "I'm fine! I'm fiiiinnneee!" As mom runs back with the phone in hand, Mia's head is out and she drops the phone to catch her. I overhear the 9-1-1 dispatcher tell mom not to touch the umbilical chord. She places Mia on my chest and hands me the phone. Daniel is staring in shock. Mia is crying and mom is crying. I am blissful. I am the quiet after the chaos. I pick up the phone and tell them we're ok. The paramedics arrive 10 minutes later and whisk us away to the hospital.
This day I learned that life can be chaotic at times. It can be mayhem and it can be painful. And although you sometimes have a plan, sometimes the best plan is to "let it be" and let God and life do its thing.
my angel cakes...
my superhero...
my backbone...
my bliss...
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