Breaking Down the Fortress.

On my journey towards holistic health, I've discovered I'm on a road of uncovering and healing. I look at my past and remember that our bodies are resilient. That though we may have done some not-so-great things for our bodies before, our bodies are forgiving. And we can do some awesome things going forward, to recover.

Once upon a time...

There.

Was.

Me.

And I was fifteen. Fifteen year old Marilyn was known by many as "Mar"(pronounced Mare) back then. Mar lived in a magical little fairyland named Suburbanville where good things happened to good people. The people of Suburbanville were good and meant well. No one wanted to harm anyone and everyone watched out for one other.

Then one day, Mar was hurt. She began questioning the goodness of all Suburbanites and began to build a tiny fortress made of invisible bricks. Although invisible, the bricks protected her from all Suburbanites. She was shielded from all. The problem with her little fortress was that it also kept her away from the other inhabitants that truly were good. Nonetheless, she lived in her fortress quite content, knowing that she had control over her little universe. And in that fortress she smiled along and thought, "my world is perfect in here".

As time went on, Mar forgot about the hurt. She found a place to bury it and slowly began taking down her invisible fortress, invisible brick by invisible brick. Nervous about how she would survive in Suburbanville without her fortress around her, she knew she needed a plan to protect her from ever getting hurt again. She needed armor. Something that would help her have control over her new surroundings. So she stopped eating. The power of restricting her food was her safety blanket. Her body was now powerful enough to survive on its own, without depending on food, and to Mar, that meant it was powerful enough to survive anything.

At first, the hunger was so loud, it yelled "Feed me!" But soon, the voice quieted down to a whisper, until finally disappearing. Mar continued day by day on little to no food until finally the Suburbanites began to worry. They questioned her health and wondered if she was ok. This made Mar smile. "I'm strong," she thought. "I can do this on my own." And on she went, withering away until she could no longer sustain the energy to walk and smile as much. The days dragged on until Mar was only 85 pounds. "I'm fine," she would proclaim but not even she believed it anymore. Life in Suburbanville was no longer pleasant. It was a chore. And Mar was tired. Very tired. And sick. No longer living. Surviving.

Then one day, one miraculous day, a fairy came to visit Mar. The fairy was warm and loving and caring. She nurtured Mar and held her, and loved her. Mar wondered, "where did you come from?" And the fairy  knew, "your parents prayed me here." She found Mar's buried hurt and threw it into the air. Up it went into the skies and never came back. In its place, the fairy handed Mar a ball of hope. And Mar held onto the hope and embraced it near her heart. Days passed, and Mar began eating. Weeks passed, and Mar began believing. Time passed, and Mar was healed. Mar was healthy. And Mar was hopeful.

I recount my story in the hopes that it will bless someone to believe. To believe and to hope that there is healing. God healed me then and I've never looked back.

So you see, life is a balance because back then, I had the power to harm my body, but now I've been given the power to help my body. Having this, how can I not try to do the best for my body and my family's bodies? That is why I have begun the process of choosing. Choosing to use natural remedies, instead of reaching for the quickest over-the-counter fix. Choosing to limit preservatives from our diet, even though now I have to travel to a different supermarket. Choosing to avoid certain household chemicals. Choosing.

And although I am not perfect, I am hopeful. Hopeful that my choices today will help my body and benefit our family's health in the long run.